Let's get irradiated, Part 2

Well, I made it. It was a long, hard road filled with many hardships. Well, not exactly, although it was really hard to wake up at six a.m. with the sun refusing to come along.

MRIs are strange things. "Here. Lay down on this bed, get real uncomfortable, then we'll shove you into this tube thing and tell you not to move," they say. "Oh, and it's loud. Here are some earplugs." Did I mention that MRIs take almost an hour? ... and that's if you can stay still for an hour. I sure couldn't. I messed up two of the tests, further extending my stay.

I accepted the earplugs gratefully, but i'm not sure I needed them. Yes, it's probably a little loud in there, but that's not the worst part of the noises. They're unnerving. If being stuck in that tube for an hour isn't enough to crawl under your skin, the noises could get there on their own. You know they're coming. There's a clicking, like some rave is going on somewhere in the room in between each test, and then they hit you. Picture this:

You're sitting in your living room, quietly reading a book and trying to relax, motionless on your favorite couch. Your neighbor listens to house music as he cleans on Saturday afternoons. Weird as it sounds, you've gotten used to this over the years. Then a knock at the door and the unfamiliar voice of a robot. That's right. A robot. Instinct kicks in and you just ignore it. Any rules you would apply to Jehovah's witness or other unannounced ambulatory visitor certainly apply to a robot. Just act like you're not home and this will all be over. Problem is that robot stays for 5 minutes, uttering unintelligible utterances in robot speak. He (or she, or it, to be fair) leaves. Back to the solitude of your couch and the house music.

But what's this? Another, different sounding robot at the door. Again, he stays for five minutes and speaks his robot nonsense continuously through that time. He leaves. This happens multiple times over an hour of your afternoon. Pretty annoying, right? Well, say you accidentally put your glass down too hard, or if the robot detects the subtle sway of a parted curtain as you peer out to see who's bothering you with digitized dictations. If this happens, the robot will still leave after a few minutes, but he doesn't go far. He stands on your lawn patiently and returns to your door after all other robots have said their piece. When there's an opening, he returns and repeats his message.

This, my friends, is what it's like to get an MRI. Annoyed by robots for over an hour ... kind of like watching iRobot with Will Smith. Wait, no. Sadly, I kinda liked that one.