Of dinosaurs, mystical beasts and the lies that spawned them...

Just about every day, I go to CNN.com to check out all the latest news. Okay, so maybe not all the latest news, but they do occasionally sprinkle in the events of the world inbetween Bieber sightings and celebrity rumors.

Given the prevalence of news that no one cares about, it is particularly striking when something comes up that is truly noteworthy. Maybe that's what they're going for - driving people to the real news by surrounding it with a pile of crap. So, today, you might imagine my surprise/excitement/dare I say all-encompassing zeal for this story.

FLYING CREATURE DIVERTS PLANE

You can't write that and have any sane person avoid clicking. But isn't a 'flying creature diverts plane' scenario, is it? No. When you click on that link you're greeted by a commercial followed by a bunch of people in a plane freaking out about a bat in the cabin. Not to say that I wouldn't duck to avoid the bat if it was there, but the titled of that story is almost a lie. At the very least, it's an exaggeration that in my mind violates a secret code of ethics for all humans that says (and I paraphrase) 'if you're going to make it sound like there's a mythical creature, don't prove yourself wrong by giving too much evidence to the contrary.'

Think of it this way. Why do we have the Yeti? Because no one who isn't crazy (you have to be a little bit to be climbing on Everest or K2) or who wasn't oxygen deprived and lonely has ever seen it. Do we believe them? Well, yeah. Kind of. But we all know that, given enough time alone, a human being is more than capable of creating an imaginary friend, and an imaginary friend that terrorizes goats in the high mountain passes of the Himalayas just points to a childhood filled with too many video games and violent movies. The lack of evidence allows our imagination to run wild.

So, the next time you decide to post a story about a winged creature diverting a plane, CNN, don't include video. Give me an incoherent quote from the dumbest person on the plane and call it a day. Better yet, link that title to a blank page and I will assume quite rightly that the person writing the story was eaten by said beast and only a few other survived the attack. Giant pterodactyl fantasy achieved.

Losing your top ...

I'm not sure who, if anyone remembers the story of Tiffany Shepherd, a Florida schoolteacher who lost her job for posing in a bikini while on a fishing trip. I know I didn't until I read the most recent news: she's given up her search for another teaching job in favor of a career as a movie star. Oh, well, they're really just porno's. Go you, Tiffany!

I'm not opposed to people working in pornography, if they choose to do so. I wouldn't support the decision either, but it's just not my place to pontificate on the subject. However, in reading the article I noticed that it was the captain of the fishing boat involved in the scandal, Gil Coombes, who first suggested that being in porn was a good move, letting Tiffany know in his expert opinion that "she'd never get a teaching job again." Let's write out a time line:

1. Tiffany is a teacher.
2. Tiffany goes on a boat in a bikini.
3. Tiffany poses for pictures (probably taken by Gil or at least by his suggestion) in said bikini.
4. Tiffany loses job.
5. Tiffany fails to secure another teaching job, even at prisons.
6. Tiffany is told by Gil that no one would hire her again and that porn would pay the bills.

It's frightening how easy it is to frame this story as one of an evil man systematically taking away the hope of this woman and replacing it with exploitation. This seems even more true when you see quotes from Tiffany like this:

I'm not particularly proud of it. To be honest, I hate it. I'm an educated woman, but I never thought it would come to this. No one gets brought up thinking they'll be a floozy.

Well, Tiffany, at least you're famous now ... right?

Breaking news

It's taken years - Longer than anyone really thought, really, but we've finally done it. We have officially broken the news. Shambles sounds like a nice way of describing the state of the central mode of communicating information in our world today.

Some might say "but wait ... there's still the BBC, the Guardian UK."

Well, that simply doesn't cut it. It's not enough, and one of them is partisan press by design. You can't just get your news from one angle. And yet, despite it being specifically against our rights as people in and of this nation, the United States of America, we are pretty much forced into a very partisan, guarded and false relationship with the people whose life's mission is to inform us.

It's pretty sad - and also quite entertaining - that the most honest, respectable and quite frankly non-partisan news-giver in the media is Jon Stewart. He has an amazing wit and ability to bring us information, frequently by exposing the 'lies' of people who lean at varying degrees to the right. He does this not by forcing his obvious liberal tendencies on the person, but by simply outlining the counter point to their obviously skewed perceptions of our political system. In this way, he exposes the very important point in the middle - the point that is kept out of so much of the news reporting we are exposed to in our lives.

In short, our entire system of enlightenment on political talking points is ludicrous at best and, more pragmatically, totally f*cked. Making a case for socialism ... if you take monetary gains out of the equation where public works (like being a newsman/woman) are concerned, you get a lot more truth. Luckily for us, this is America and we do things the right way ... right?

A barrel of ... terror?

I was perusing a certain website which compiles mostly-time-wasting-but-potentially-funny websites, photos and videos when I found this link to one of the most awesome examples of vandalism/street art I've ever seen. While this 'barrel monster' may not be the physical expression of your worst childhood nightmare waiting in your closet or under your bed as you sleep, it's still pretty impressive.

Unfortunately for the creator, Joseph Carnevale, city police in Raleigh, NC didn't see things as I do, so they put him in jail for vandalism. What's up with that? I understand that this could have cost the city some money because those barrels probably aren't free. However, under normal circumstances those barrels are ultimately unimportant, but this guy turned them in to something really special. This monster probably created moments in many peoples' lives that changed that whole day.

This is the stuff of life. It goes beyond the vandalism and becomes expression. Should he have to repay the city for the barrel's? Sure. But have him go talk to art students, young children even, and have him share his creativity and give back to the community in a valuable way. Actually, instead of dismantling the monster, they should have auctioned it off for a charity. Am I the only one who thinks like this? Or is it just people who get sucked in to bureaucracy and government that miss such common-sense solutions? The company who actually owned the barrels doesn't even want to press charges, so why would the city go through with a hearing/court date ... seems like a giant waste of time and resources, if you ask me.