I'm watching National Treasure on television while waiting for a few friends to arrive in Nashville. Early on in the movie, it's established that they're somewhere north of the Arctic circle. You know, a mostly-barren wasteland of ice and ice. Eventually, things get a little crazy and explosions happen, causing a fire on a big wooden boat they've found. Our genius antagonist then says "let's get out of here before someone sees the smoke." Well, good news Rutger Hauer, or whoever you are ... no one's going to see the smoke because you're in the Arctic circle where no one in their right mind lives. Oh, wait. Nicholas Cage says there's an Inuit village nearby. Well ... shit.
So, that old thing I was telling you about ... yeah. I wrote this on July 10th of 2004 and thought I might as well recycle it somewhere it might be viewed. Its previous hiding place was on Myspace, no longer a place for friends by most accounts. Okay - and, go.
let's discuss shall we?
first the evidence:
If you're havin girl problems i feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one
[Verse One]
I got the rap patrol on the gat patrol
Foes that wanna make sure my casket's closed
Rap critics that say he's "Money Cash Hoes"
I'm from the hood stupid what type of facts are those
If you grew up with holes in your zapitos
You'd celebrate the minute you was havin doe
I'm like fuck critics you can kiss my whole asshole
If you don't like my lyrics you can press fast forward
Got beef with radio if i don't play they show
They don't play my hits well i don't give a shit SO
Rap mags try and use my black ass
So advertisers can give em more cash for ads...fuckers
I don't know what you take me as or understand the intellegence that Jay-Z has
I'm from rags to ritches nigga I ain't dumb
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one Hit me
[Chorus]
99 Problems but a bitch ain't one
If you havin girl problems i feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one Hit me
So, if you have 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one - let's do some math:
First of all ... a bitch is not equal to 1 ... lets get this out of the way. Also problems will be represented by (x)
scenario one:
You could get a bitch, giving you 100 problems. Except if, for instance, problem 46 was indeed not having a bitch, which would make you have 99 problems again. If a bitch is not equal to (1), then [99 + (a bitch) = x ] From this we conclude that jay z's problems - or (x) - cannot equal 100. Through modern linguistics, it is also possible to rule out that 'a bitch' = 0, as 'a' clearly states there is one of something. Also there can't be a negative quantity of bitches, as that would be stephen hawking style science we don't understand.
So here's where we are ... (a bitch) > 1. From this, we can now establish some key facts:
1) Jay Z has no fewer than 101 problems ( because 99 + (x) > 100 )
2) there are no fewer than 2 bitches in the world ( x > 1 as shown in the examples above)
3) Jay Z clearly paid no attention in science or math ... specifically algebra
Okay, so I had to do some editing to make this fit my more modern writing style. I guess it's to be expected on a blog that is almost five years old. Wow. That puts nothing in perspective at all.
first the evidence:
If you're havin girl problems i feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one
[Verse One]
I got the rap patrol on the gat patrol
Foes that wanna make sure my casket's closed
Rap critics that say he's "Money Cash Hoes"
I'm from the hood stupid what type of facts are those
If you grew up with holes in your zapitos
You'd celebrate the minute you was havin doe
I'm like fuck critics you can kiss my whole asshole
If you don't like my lyrics you can press fast forward
Got beef with radio if i don't play they show
They don't play my hits well i don't give a shit SO
Rap mags try and use my black ass
So advertisers can give em more cash for ads...fuckers
I don't know what you take me as or understand the intellegence that Jay-Z has
I'm from rags to ritches nigga I ain't dumb
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one Hit me
[Chorus]
99 Problems but a bitch ain't one
If you havin girl problems i feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one Hit me
So, if you have 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one - let's do some math:
First of all ... a bitch is not equal to 1 ... lets get this out of the way. Also problems will be represented by (x)
scenario one:
You could get a bitch, giving you 100 problems. Except if, for instance, problem 46 was indeed not having a bitch, which would make you have 99 problems again. If a bitch is not equal to (1), then [99 + (a bitch) = x ] From this we conclude that jay z's problems - or (x) - cannot equal 100. Through modern linguistics, it is also possible to rule out that 'a bitch' = 0, as 'a' clearly states there is one of something. Also there can't be a negative quantity of bitches, as that would be stephen hawking style science we don't understand.
So here's where we are ... (a bitch) > 1. From this, we can now establish some key facts:
1) Jay Z has no fewer than 101 problems ( because 99 + (x) > 100 )
2) there are no fewer than 2 bitches in the world ( x > 1 as shown in the examples above)
3) Jay Z clearly paid no attention in science or math ... specifically algebra
Okay, so I had to do some editing to make this fit my more modern writing style. I guess it's to be expected on a blog that is almost five years old. Wow. That puts nothing in perspective at all.
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