Just one thought for the day ...
About five minutes in to Conan the Destroyer, Conan (played by Arnold Schwarzenegger) punches a horse. He balls up his fist, rears back, and then punches the horse in the mouth.
Also, I just watched the first half of a marathon of manliness that is both Conan movies in a row, and I must say that the gap between Arnolds front two teeth is much less pronounced in the second installation. It's as if every step he takes away from his barbaric heritage is a step towards better dental work.
Also, also - I spelled Schwarzenegger right on the first try. Nice.
Showing posts with label bad movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bad movies. Show all posts
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Transformers: Part Deux
I don't usually read Roger Ebert's reviews ... or any movie reviews, for that matter .. but I heard his review of the upcoming Michael Bay 'film' Transformers: REvenge of the Fallen was particularly scathing, so I had to check it out. Wow, did he ever deliver. It's rare for me to let a movie review stop me from seeing a movie, but I don't think there's any way whatsoever I could spend any money on this inevitable crap-fest.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Sunday Funday
Things I've done today, as of 3:30 pm:
(1) Ran 2 miles
(2) Nothing
Nothing isn't entirely accurate ... I've watched both The Patriot and We Were Soldiers. It must be Mel Gibson's birthday or something ... I also caught bits and pieces of everyone's favorite middle child, Frankie Muniz, in the horror fest that is Stay Alive.
Sounds like a movie that features zombie Barry Gibbs chasing towns people via the electric slide. You could say this would be a simple zombie to evade - one that can only chase you by moving to left, to the right, now slide - but then again, aren't zombies usually really easy to avoid and yet people still screw it up?
Stay Alive is actually another one of those movies where some supernatural force exerts itself on the world via some new media - cell phones, the television or in this case, video games. Like we needed one, let alone the plethora of such movies that have been released in the last five or six years.
Anyway, the reason I even mention that Stay Alive was on is that I might have found a way to make these crap movies, which I actually watch on a regular basis, a little more interesting. Here's the plan ... Start watching the movie to get an idea of the general plot. Then, after the first commercial break, skip a section of the movie. Continue in this fashion, skipping every other section of the movie, but make sure you see the end.
What this does is create holes in the plot - unexplained new characters, references to events you know nothing about, etc. - which you can then find your own unique way to justify. In the case of Stay Alive, I know that I saw Frankie Muniz die. He was stabbed by some crazy looking lady in a red cloak. <> Here's Frankie Muniz saving the hero of the movie (some sorry excuse of an actor that I'm not familiar with) from same red cloaked lady. WTF?
I'm sure the movie explained this. I'm also sure that it was something really, impossibly dumb. But, since I skipped that part, I can invent whatever I want. Maybe Frankie Muniz is really a T1000, sent from the future to ... oh, well that's not very original, is it? Maybe he's ... no, that was the plot from Mad Max. Damn ... too much Mel Gibson today.
(1) Ran 2 miles
(2) Nothing
Nothing isn't entirely accurate ... I've watched both The Patriot and We Were Soldiers. It must be Mel Gibson's birthday or something ... I also caught bits and pieces of everyone's favorite middle child, Frankie Muniz, in the horror fest that is Stay Alive.
Sounds like a movie that features zombie Barry Gibbs chasing towns people via the electric slide. You could say this would be a simple zombie to evade - one that can only chase you by moving to left, to the right, now slide - but then again, aren't zombies usually really easy to avoid and yet people still screw it up?
Stay Alive is actually another one of those movies where some supernatural force exerts itself on the world via some new media - cell phones, the television or in this case, video games. Like we needed one, let alone the plethora of such movies that have been released in the last five or six years.
Anyway, the reason I even mention that Stay Alive was on is that I might have found a way to make these crap movies, which I actually watch on a regular basis, a little more interesting. Here's the plan ... Start watching the movie to get an idea of the general plot. Then, after the first commercial break, skip a section of the movie. Continue in this fashion, skipping every other section of the movie, but make sure you see the end.
What this does is create holes in the plot - unexplained new characters, references to events you know nothing about, etc. - which you can then find your own unique way to justify. In the case of Stay Alive, I know that I saw Frankie Muniz die. He was stabbed by some crazy looking lady in a red cloak. <
I'm sure the movie explained this. I'm also sure that it was something really, impossibly dumb. But, since I skipped that part, I can invent whatever I want. Maybe Frankie Muniz is really a T1000, sent from the future to ... oh, well that's not very original, is it? Maybe he's ... no, that was the plot from Mad Max. Damn ... too much Mel Gibson today.
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