Shut up about dogs already ...

In the months since the BP oil disaster ... wait, really? Months?

Yes, months since BP directly (or indirectly) caused what will probably end up as one of the more dramatic changes in an ecosystem in recent human history, we've seen a lot of things happen. For the most part, we see those things happen and shrug, going about our day as usual and wondering whether the iPhone 4's problems are truly the signs of an end to the Apple era.

We've seen birds, covered in oil. Whatever.
We've seen dead whales and dolphins. South Park said it best.
We've seen fisherman and oil industry workers lose their jobs. Put a shirt on, rednecks. It's time to join the shirted masses in office parks and skyscrapers.

Now they're dragging puppies into this, and that's just not going to work. Apparently, people whose jobs are affected by the oil spill just couldn't possibly bear to have a dog anymore. I mean, dog food (at it's cheapest) costs about $1 per day for most dogs. And how are they going to look for a job when they have to walk a dog twice a day? That's, like, 30 minutes of jobless wandering while other, less dog-encumbered, people are grabbing up all the good stuff.

"I could've been a stocker at the Wal-Mart, or a cook at Boston Market. Now look at me. I'm walking my dog. And later, he's going to jump on the couch because I'm too depressed to say no. And he's going to lick Cheetohs out of my chest hair. What kind of life is that for a man."

-- Unknown

I agree. You shouldn't be eating Cheetohs in the first place. As for the chest hair, perhaps an upgrade in the shirt department is in order. I know, I know. Wife beaters are incredibly comfortable, but how about you slip on that Dale Jr. shirt that you found at the thrift store. You know, the one that had less armpit stains than the Tony Stewart one next to it, and even though Tony Stewart is definitely a better driver than Dale Jr., you, for once, made a decision where personal hygiene trumped your love for NASCAR? There you go.

Now, about that job ... yeah ... it's going to be a while on that one. Wealthy multi-national conglomerates don't tend to "hurry up" for the sake of the lower working class. Enjoy extended unemployment (maybe), your eventual "big" check from BP and free health care (hopefully).

Peas in a pod

Some things just go well together. Peanut butter and jelly, movies and popcorn ... well, I can't think of other things right now, but they're out there. Some of these things that I can't currently think of are stereotypes. Oh! Like politicians and lying. Stereotypical pair, they are, and some times pairs such as these are proven to go beyond the stereotype and in to real life. This exact thing happened today when ESPN ran this story about a NASCAR driver getting busted for being a meth-head. NASCAR and rednecks go together better than just about anything, and you know rednecks love meth. After all, that's why every time I get a cold and can't breathe I have to show my ID and get put in the 'system'.

To anyone who might be a redneck or might be a fan of NASCAR (sorry for the redundancy there, but you never know), I do not apologize. You can't make this kind of thing up - it's just too good!