It all started with Starbucks. Well, not really, but they are really easy to blame with a variety of things that are wrong with the world today. I'm only going to touch on this, because it's been done a million times, but - what in the hell do Grande or Venti have to do with beverage size? And way to go giving up and naming the biggest one Tall. If I actually drank coffee and I went to Starbucks, I would have to get a Tall just so I wouldn't feel like a complete jack-ass asking for a Venti.
And that's my point. Say you want a cup of ice cream, and there's Maggie Moo's - one of the finest ice cream establishments (by taste) you could ask for. Now, I can excuse a name like Maggie Moo's because it kinda fits the whole ice cream thing, but what about some of these product names:
Strawberry Skateboard - Seriously? Strawberry Skateboard? You could've named any stupid sports item and a corresponding (or not so much) fruit and made ice cream by this rule. Bicycle Blackberry ... mmmm ... I can taste it already.
Peanut Butter Galaxy - Sounds delicious. Maybe one day it'll collide with the Milky Way and some crazy new candy bar will be invented. One can only hope.
The list goes on. Everywhere you go they have Xtreme Cheddar Poppers, Cheese Fries Volcanos and Chocolate Avalanches. I know they're trying to really sell me on how good this stuff is, but ... really, just don't. It's not necessary and really, if anything, it's making me less likely to order that mountain of useless calories and heart-clogging nutritionless refuse because the last thing I need is an additional chance to sound like a complete idiot in public. Got that covered, thank you.
Here's a tip, if you're going to offer me chocolate ice cream on your menu, call a spade a spade. It's just chocolate ice cream, not Chocolate Thunder Frozen Cream. Thanks.
And that's my point. Say you want a cup of ice cream, and there's Maggie Moo's - one of the finest ice cream establishments (by taste) you could ask for. Now, I can excuse a name like Maggie Moo's because it kinda fits the whole ice cream thing, but what about some of these product names:
Strawberry Skateboard - Seriously? Strawberry Skateboard? You could've named any stupid sports item and a corresponding (or not so much) fruit and made ice cream by this rule. Bicycle Blackberry ... mmmm ... I can taste it already.
Peanut Butter Galaxy - Sounds delicious. Maybe one day it'll collide with the Milky Way and some crazy new candy bar will be invented. One can only hope.
The list goes on. Everywhere you go they have Xtreme Cheddar Poppers, Cheese Fries Volcanos and Chocolate Avalanches. I know they're trying to really sell me on how good this stuff is, but ... really, just don't. It's not necessary and really, if anything, it's making me less likely to order that mountain of useless calories and heart-clogging nutritionless refuse because the last thing I need is an additional chance to sound like a complete idiot in public. Got that covered, thank you.
Here's a tip, if you're going to offer me chocolate ice cream on your menu, call a spade a spade. It's just chocolate ice cream, not Chocolate Thunder Frozen Cream. Thanks.
